Tuesday, July 24, 2007
ang lahat nga ba ay nakatakdang mangyari?
4 years ago. 3rd year highschool. sa atheneum. sa stage. after pe. out of the blue..:
mark: pakiramdam ko may sakit ako sa puso.
marvin: ah talaga? feeling ko meron din ako.
after two years i had my heart surgery.
another two years, kuya found out he also had something going on with his heart. good thing he doesn't need surgery.
*******
hindi ko namalayang walang kapagod-pagod kong naakyat ang ika-limang palapag ng gusaling iyon. hindi ko tuloy mapigilang maala ang unang araw ko sa aking pagpasok matapos ang operasyon - wala pang isang linggo akong nakalabas ng ospital. pinayuhan nila akong tumigil muna pero hindi ako nakinig. hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang unang klase ko noon, basic speech fundamentals, sa ikatlong palapag, sa parehong gusali. pero iba noong kesa ngayon. dati, halos igapang ko ang sarili ko sa pagakyat sa iilang baitang ng hagdan. para bang sa bawat hakbang ang sumisikip ang aking dibdib at at kumikirot ang hindi pa naghihilom na sugat. hirap na hirap ako sa paghabol ng aking hininga. hangga't nakaabot ako sa silid na para bang susuko na ang aking tuhod at dibdib sa sobrang pagod..
*******
one of the great things that ive learned from what happened to me was to take things slow. before, i always wanted to get things done. i hate cross-stitching, solving puzzles, answering math problems, palying uno stack-o, exercising (among other things) because it would require so much time and effort. in other words, im very impatient. i hate waiting. i hate doing things step by step and bit by bit. i want them done. i want it fininshed with all the good results at hand. but unfortunately, that's not how things go in this world. life itself is a process. you don't get to just go to the finish line without having to go to the starting line and go through the race.
that was made clear to me during the times that i had to start over and do things bit by bit. i was very weak after the surgery. my lungs wasn't as strong as before when i used to swim. my ribs, that was cut in two from the sternum, were just joined by a coil. my cut was still bleeding. i couldn't even walk and go to the bathroom. i had to take small steps and have somebody assist me if i wanted to go to the other side of hospital room. it was very different and difficult for me. i couldn't get things done, just like before. i couldn't do anything. my doctor said i had to do things little by little. i shouldn't shock my system and just carry on with my life the way used to. things are different now. i learned how to stop. and just do nothing. i learned to do things from the bottom and not try to bypass the process and just go to the finish line. i did things slowly. i had to. bit by bit. step by step. liitle by little. i had to. that was the only way to do it.
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last month was the 2nd birthday of my repaired heart. as elbert would put it, "marvin, dalawang taon ka nang operada." well, medyo ganun na nga.
Thank God.
_marvin_
11:35 PM
tag me.......
i'd love to hear from you..
A b o u t _ m e - - - - - - -
I was a swimmer, a tennis and volleyball player. I was a dancer, pep squad member and stage performer. I was a team leader and CAT Executive officer. 'Hyperactive' would be an understatement if you were to describe my lifestyle.. And who would ever think that somebody like me has a congenital heart defect?
***
im marvin. im from cavite. im a speech major from upd. i love to eat, to sleep, to talk, to laugh. i love having fun. id love to meet shrek one day. marami kasing nagsasabing magkamuka kami. nakadilat na daw mga mata ko nung pinanganak ako.. mahilig ako kumain ng spaghetti, pizza, marshmallow, chicken at french fries.
***
It never occurred to me that for the past 17 years of my existence, I was at risk of having a heart failure, and my active lifestyle made the risk grow even more. That is why I thank God and His instruments here on earth - my family, obzite, my friends and the people who touched my life - for keeping my heart beating all this time..